Where I admit that I get lonely

I like long weekends as much as the next person. When I left work on Friday, I was very much looking forward to the three day weekend. What I don’t look forward to is the first day back at work, where co-workers, who likely mean well, interrogate each other in subtle competition to determine who had the best weekend. I rarely have anything delightful or mischievous to share. In fact, in the queue of responses before and after mine, my account of the weekend is probably a joy kill.

I spent the weekend alone in my apartment. I stepped out to do laundry and go to the store. This next part is difficult to confess, even under the protection of an anonymous blog: I didn’t get any invitations and there were no inquiries into how I was spending the long weekend.

As a committed introvert, I require the solitude but sometimes the retreat is not welcomed and is possibly more exhausting than social interaction. I get lonely; more often that not, I do feel lonely. I grow tired of my phone, whether it is Instagram, eBay or Facebook, it’s not too long until I am reminded that the object tiring the palm of my hand actually brings me no joy. Reading is a good use of my time but even then, I’m quietly reminded of my loneliness with each page I turn.

I’ve looking into group activities with strangers, speed dating, outdoor activities, as a cure. But these trigger a sort of social anxiety for me. I am stuck.

The damning thing about loneliness is that it usually comes back to the afflicted person. What I mean is that if I were to tell someone I was lonely, they would look at me like there was something wrong with me, or give me useless advice, you need to get out more! or  a favorite. life is short! live a little!. Not helpful.

Tomorrow I’ll probably say.. I went to a barbecue and did some shopping with friends on Monday. Did you see any good fireworks?

Yes, I’ll lie and then I’ll get them to talk. No one really cares about what you did over the weekend, they either want an opportunity to storytell or to avoid telling you that they did exactly what I did.