Life’s Stanzas

On Loyalty
I was standing by the pool side
Assessing the depths
You came by and pushed me
Now you’re calling for help.

On Love
I was standing by the pool side
Assessing the depths
You came by and pushed me
Now you’re letting me drown.

On Friendship
I was standing by the pool side
Assessing the depths
You came by and pushed me
Now you’re walking away.

On falling in love 
I was standing by the poolside
Assessing the depths
You came by and pushed me
Now you’re holding me down.

On life
I was standing by the poolside
Assessing the depths
You came by and pushed me
Now you’re yelling at me to swim.

On God
I was standing by the poolside
Assessing the depths
You came by
“Not yet”.

Advertisement

sans un titre (without a title)

sans titre (without title)

If I could talk about it, I would.
If I could tell you, I would.
If I knew that you would not judge me, I would tell you.
If I could press release on the burden, I would.
If I hadn’t been conditioned to carry the burden, absorb the shock; know that I would have told you.
If the consequences wouldn’t both relieve and hurt me, I would.
If I knew that by cleaning up, I would make a bigger mess for myself, you would have known. You would have known when it started. You would know that it happened again, and again.
If I wasn’t so deeply embarrassed, yet faultless, trust me, you would know. You would know everything.
If I had had the vocabulary you would have known.
If I could have been a child, if I hadn’t been wiser, far beyond my years, I wouldn’t have protected the rest  of you.

I wouldn’t have taken the fault when I was blameless.
If I hadn’t been conditioned to my silence, if after all these years, I hadn’t been forced to find comfort and resolve in my silence, if I hadn’t had to put in the work to heal, if I hadn’t been strong enough to do that, if being fed your weakness hadn’t made me this strong.

If I wouldn’t be praised for being strong. I hate that.

My strength is a seed of pain, how dare you water it.

If I had the opportunity to weep, be weak, fail, blame.
If all of you didn’t interact with me like it didn’t happen.
If I didn’t still try to have a positive,meaningful relationship with you.
If I hadn’t sought, in my adulthood, the protection you did not give me as a child.

You have all dug into the depths of my conscious.

And left your shovels.

And I have been forced to dig deeper to find my escape.

A Hero’s Nap

Superman, weary of being the usual hero
Took a day off.
Casually shrugging off the eminent threat to his city,
He took a day off to save himself:
Save himself from the fear of not being able to save others.
Save himself from the thoughts that would often erupt from his subconscious,

that maybe he wasn’t good enough, strong enough.
Save himself from the fatigue of appearing to be strong,

having all the answers
Needing a day to just be a man, or even less,

He closed his eyes for a moment’s rest.
A moment’s peace.
A moment where the ills of society were not assigned to his shoulders.

A Hero’s nap.

–APAF