Where I say “I do” everyday

Marriage—that thing that comes after the wedding.

Much thought and attention is given to the wedding day, in fact, a whole industry surrounds it. Advertised as the most important day of our lives, our devotion to where two aunts that don’t get along well sit, to testing 15 waterproof mascaras, is obviously justified.

You and your boo say ‘I do’, you kiss under pressure, and although your wedding event is highly publicized, the finer details of your marriage (see above definition) are kept private. You leave your guests with a perfect picture, you bid them adieu, the blindfolds are removed and you and significant other find yourselves standing in a febreeze commercial set. That sweet smell? That was your wedding, the room you’re in? That’s life + marriage–figure it out.

Despite my sarcasm, I’m not an advocate of the ‘marriage is hard’ mantra because it seems so negative. It also gives the impression that compromise is a horrible, painful experience. But I don’t think it has to be, certainly not if you start thinking about it differently.

From Old French, compromittere, com-‘together’ and promittere ‘promise’

Beautiful, right? French does that.

I think marriage is a beautiful thing (and not just theoretically beautiful)-I think most people do, or maybe they did at one point. When I think of marriage, I think finally, someone I can fart with. I think of a union with a very good friend, someone who can look at me and roll their eyes, all the while appreciating me for the gem that I am. Someone whose face I can look at and smile for no reason. Someone with whom I will undoubtedly face hardships, either my own, his own, or our own. Someone who knows the outcome of our differences and arguments will be hugs, kisses and solutions that make at least one of us better without hurting the other. Someone who, in a world of options, consistently sees me as the best choice, someone who would chooses me again, and again, everyday and throughout the day. Someone who will say ‘I do’ to me, everyday.

What might hard about marriage, is actually what makes beautiful in the end. It’s not hard to ignore the cracks in your relationship, it’s not hard to come home and not talk about your day, it’s not hard to not listen to your significant other, it’s not hard to watch tv and be on Facebook all day, it’s not hard to not support your significant other’s dreams.

What takes effort is learning how to best support your boo, how to be encouraged by disappointments; it takes effort and understanding to be able to sit silently with your love; it’s hard work to recognize when you are wrong, when you’re the cause of someone’s pain; it’s hard work to be genuinely interested in someone else’s interests.

Marriage is about choosing your partner everyday. It’s that last slice of pizza that you want, but feed your boo instead because the satisfaction you would get from eating it, is equivalent to her pretending she doesn’t want it.

 

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Caution: These views are from an unmarried individual. She may or may not know what she is talking about, but she does so with confidence because she knows what she wants.